My DVD player is smarter than I am.
That thing it does; remembering where I left off on a dvd, even after I turn off the power? That’s scary. I can even take out the disk, turn off the power, turn it back on, and play another disk, but when I put the original disk back in, it goes right to where I left off. That’s scary on an entirely new level.
No, that’s moving beyond scary and straight into sentience. My DVD player is a sentient being.
“Moonlight mile!” Says I. “And let’s take it from the top!”
“No,” says DVD player. “Alas, the last time you watched this movie, you turned it off at 15:32. There we shall start.”
“But, lo, I did not. Why would I turn off the movie after only 15 minutes of Jakey goodness?” I press the rewind button repeatedly.
“To 15:32 we go!” says the DVD player. “No less, no more. Where we left off is where we shall begin, and that is final.”
I immediately begin plotting the homicide of whoever in my family turned off the movie 3 scenes in, but am quickly distracted by Jake Gyllenhaal standing in a bedroom.
“It’s ok.” I resign myself. “Who needs to see the funeral anyway?” And, because my DVD player knows better than I do, I sit down to watch my movie 3 scenes short.
But if it takes off even a millisecond of my CSI:, I have the original register receipt and a baseball bat in hand. Just in case.
A girl’s got to have her limits.