Sunday, February 18, 2007

My Declaration Of Independence

It's the biggest cliché in the world.

In a moment, everything can change.

In my world, it doesn't take a whole moment. It takes about 2 seconds. The time it takes for one sentence too many to fall out of someone's mouth. And two more seconds for a response to fall out of mine. Its funny how one sentence changes everything. One sentence- a question, in fact- that encompasses every fear and hesitation I've had for the past 6 months. One question –an accusation with a question mark at the end- to close a door.

But when God closes one door, he opens a window; if for no other reason than to give us something to jump out of. And so, here I am, unexpectedly single, and looking for that window once again. Here's what I know for sure;

The world may be designed for single people, but our culture is not. Think about it; how long can you go at a family reunion before someone asks you if you're seeing anyone. Answer in the affirmative, and the next question is about when you plan on tying the knot. The internet is flooded with services offering to help you find your "perfect soul mate"; and it'll only cost you $39.99 a month for them to search tirelessly to find what you, (who has your own best interests at heart) have been unable to procure. The happiest endings for movies only come when the couple, who has been fighting against all the odds to stay (or get) together, is finally united in a sweet kiss. The biggest news in those celebrity trash mags (and c'mon, admit it, you have a few hidden under those stacks of National Geographic) is who's getting together with whom, and who's been caught cheating with the nanny and is getting divorced (oh, the scandal!).

We are not a culture that celebrates the Single, and I think it's a damn shame. I believe that Singlehood is about being independent, and unashamed to be who you are. It's about finding your own solace, your own voice, and not answering to anyone else about who you are and what you should become. I read a survey which suggests that the majority of Americans would rather be in an unhappy relationship than facing the alternative. I see their point. I'll admit, it was a
consideration in my mind at several points in my recent life; would I rather feel underappreciated and in a relationship, or would I rather feel alone and single?

Now I have to decide how I'm going to approach my newly-found Singlehood, and this is what I've decided.

I will not mope around my house mourning this loss. I will not allow myself to dwell on the fantasies I had about white dresses and happily-ever-after. That's nice to dream about, but it's not reality right now. This is. I will remember that it's ok to cry and alright to curse, but what really matters is the getting up in the morning and smiling again. I will remember that Singleness is not the end of the world that they say it is, and there is a beauty to living my life for me. I will remember that there is an art to independence.

I will remember that I am blessed with friends who love and respect me for who I am. I will remember that we have fabulous nights out and amazing nights in. I will remember Dancing with them until my feet hurt, drinking until my head hurts, and laughing until my stomach is in knots. I will remember how beautiful it is to know that there are people in my life who will drop everything their doing to come over to my house and hold my head while I'm crying. I will remember the sense of devotion I feel to these people, and know that I don't have to fear this commitment, because it's always been returned in kind. I will remember that I am not alone.

Here's my resolution:

I'm letting go.
All I need to learn is along this road.
I just want to be the best woman I can be.
It's my resolution.

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