You're so vain.
You probably think this post is about you.
It's the little things. The silly things. But they matter the most. After listening to my friends debating about what they want and need from a relationship, (both men and women), I have a couple of things to say from the female perspective.
Listen, you don't have to buy me jewelry or bring me flowers every time we meet. I don't need someone to pay my bills. I don't expect a guy to complete me. I'm not looking for a free ride. I've been taking care of myself for the better part of three decades, and I know I've had some bumps in the road, but I'm doing alright.
It's not about the things you buy for me. It's the little things that don't cost anything that mean the most.
Give me a guy who will open a door for me when my hands are full. Who sees me stumbling exhausted through the office door and automatically places a cup of coffee in my hand. Who burns me a CD of a band I "just have to hear" because he knows my taste in music. Who sits down on the sofa with a pint of ice cream and two spoons after a difficult day of work. Who knows that sometimes, there's just nothing else to say to me, and silence isn't something to be feared. Who understands that sometimes, I need to be upset, and he'll just let me get it out of my system. It doesn't mean we're fighting, or that something is wrong with me, or that (heaven forbid) it's "that time". Who'll send me a text message randomly just to say he's thinking about me. Who understands that I could be making more money than I am right now, but I really like my job, and I think the smaller paycheck is worth waking up in the morning and not wanting to call in sick. Who'll throw a ball for my dog as many times as she wants to, and not make a face at the slobber she leaves behind. Who will ride the swings with me at midnight, and isn't afraid to act like a kid again.
I want someone who doesn't feel threatened by my education or my aspirations. Give me a guy who can engage in intelligent debate and lets me make a complete point before countering it. I don't expect him to agree with everything I say. I don't expect him to always take my side an argument I'm having with someone else, but I expect him to at least listen to my point of view.
I'm not asking for every minute of his day. I don't expect a phone call the instant he gets off of work. I don't expect hourly check-ins when he goes out with his boys. I know I can trust him to look and not touch. He's never given me a reason not to.
It's the little things that you do. The small ways of saying "I know we've been in this relationship for awhile, and I'm guaranteed to get laid now, but I'm not going to take you for granted. I'm still willing to work for it. You're worthy of the effort".
This is romance to me. The small things that make the big things worth it.