Friday, May 29, 2015

The Eyes Of The Seeker: The Waiting Game (Part 2)



Waiting stinks.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a patient person.

It took me 34 years to make the decision to seek out my birth certificate and birthmother's name, but now that I've done it, I want to know NOW. Every day, I check the mail, only to be disappointed when the one envelope I want isn't in there.

Okay, okay, I know they likely haven't even had time to go get my birth certificate yet, let alone copy it and mail it back to me, but logic doesn't apply here, alright?

I have a confession - you know what I'm most excited about? Learning my name. Or what my last name would have been, at least. Maybe she named me, maybe she didn't, but I've always wondered. I've never really felt connected to my name - I've never felt like it described who I am. So I'm curious what it WOULD have been, had the circumstances of my life been

And then I wonder what HER name is. And what I could do with it. I mean, the internet is full of information, and I'll have her name and her city of residence at SOME point in her life... that's got to be enough to track her down, right?

And if I DO track her down, what would I find?

What if I put her name into Google and find an extensive criminal past?

What if I search and find absolutely nothing?

What if, after all this wondering and waiting, I find an obituary. Would I be kicking myself with regrets over not starting this process sooner?

And if I do find something out, what then? How do I do this? Do I WANT to do this?

Or... worst of all... what if I find out she's already filled out the paperwork necessary to keep me from ever seeing my original birth certificate, closing the door on my quest before it really begins?

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