Saturday, August 25, 2012

Two Week Update

Two weeks. I really can't believe it's been two weeks since I... shoot, I don't know what to call it. Got sick? It doesn't really seem appropriate; this isn't like a cold or flu. The neurologist says that I have a brain injury, technically, but I can't even say that because it's not as though I got hit on the head, y'know? It's been two weeks since my brain hit the self-destruct button, how'thats that?

I had a doctor's appointment on Thursday where I met the woman who is going to be my new GP. The hospital about flipped when they found out that I didn't have a regular doctor, (that's what the same-day clinic is for!) so I had to get on the ball and get one asap. Dr. C seems nice enough. You know, though, it's almost amusing to have an illness(?) so serious that it blows the mind of the staff. The nurse who did my preliminary was shocked, and even the doctor was extremely concerned and amazed at the extent of my symptoms.

I'm getting pretty frustrated with my vision. I've noticed that I'm worse in the mornings; I wake up really dizzy, and the room spins. Even closing one eye leaves the other eye moving without my control. It tends to improve as the day goes on, and I can at least have a few minutes of stillness later on. And there's a spot in my vision about a foot in front of me where everything is clear. Closer than that, or further away, it's all divided again. I'm not sure what's going on there; I don't feel like I've had much improvement in a few days. I'm definitely going to have to talk to Dr. R about it when I see her on Tuesday.

Mobility is improving though! I practiced walking on my own yesterday. I think I walk like a toddler. L says that I walk like I'm drunk. The right side of my body is all jerky and uncoordinated, but I can shuffle along as long as I go slowly and I have something to grab onto in case I lose my balance.

I really want to keep moving and doing as much as I can. I don't want to sit here in this chair and get worse or weaker because I'm not doing anything. My hands have been weak and uncoordinated (I think I said before that writing is a challenge?) so I've been trying to use them as much as possible. I got some really thick, chunky yarn and I'm using some large knitting needles, and I'm just trying to keep my hands active. With my sight being so awful, it's been interesting, but I'm not really looking for a finished product, I just want to keep trying to get stronger.

I'm worried about my job; I've been gone for two weeks now. My supervisor, of course, knows what's going on, and I've already filed for an emergency medical leave and job-protected status. I'm not worried about losing my job, but I'm stressed about what everyone's thinking about me missing so much work. People there sort of made me feel like shit when I took so much time off when my mom was dying, and I feel like I'm going to be walking back into that when I get back...assuming that I GET back and that this is something I can heal from.

That's...really about it. Next on the doctor agenda is a meeting with my neurologist on Tuesday. Hopefully she'll have some answers for me, or at least let me know how I'm progressing in relation to other patients that she's seen with similar issues.

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